Redneck Medical Dictionary

Artery = The study of paintings.
Bacteria = Back door to cafeteria.
Barium = What doctors do when patients die.
Benign = What you be after you be eight.
Catscan = Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize = Made eye contact with her.
Cesarean = Section A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic = A sheep dog.
Coma = A punctuation mark.
D&C = Where Washington is.
Dilate = To live long.
Enema = Not a friend.
Fester = Quicker than someone else.
Fibula = A small lie.
Genital = Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series = World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail = What you hang your coat on.
Impotent = Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain = Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff = A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid = A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates = Cheaper than day rates.
Node = I knew it.
Outpatient = A person who has fainted.
Ovaries = You get to try again.
Pap Smear = A fatherhood test.
Pelvis = Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative = A letter carrier.
Recovery Room = Place to do upholstery.
Rectum = Pretty near killed him.
Secretion = Hiding something.
Seizure = Roman emperor.
Tablet = A small table.
Terminal = Illness Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor = More than one.
Urine = Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose = Near by/close by.